


insecurities

by convergent



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Jealousy, M/M, eddie is insecure :(, richie reminds him how beautiful he is tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 19:00:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13596363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/convergent/pseuds/convergent
Summary: by the age of fifteen, richie has kissed all of the losers. except eddie. eddie gets insecure.





	insecurities

By age fifteen, Richie had kissed each of the losers. Well, except one. Richie remembered when he first kissed one of the losers, which happened to be Bill. He was 13, and it was right before the events of the summer. At the time it had just been Richie, Eddie, Bill and Stan as the Losers club. They were all playing truth or dare at the quarry, lounging around in the cool spring weather. 

“Richie, truth or dare?” Stan asked, looking briefly at his nails and cleaning the dirt from his nails. 

“I’m offended that you’d think truth was even an option, my good fellow!” Richie raised his voice obnoxiously, “Give me the craziest you got.” 

“I wonder what could embarrass Richie Tozier,” Eddie laughed lightly, meeting eyes with the Trashmouth and blushing slightly at the eye contact. Eddie turned to Stan, awaiting Richie’s dare. 

“Easy. I dare you to kiss Bill,” Stan smirked, although he looked a bit hesitant when he realized he didn’t mention where to kiss him.

The blood drained from Eddie’s face, and he was unsure why a boiling pit of dread filled his stomach. Richie let out a squeal, “Bill, my boy, I’d be honored!” 

Bill flushed red, “R-r-richie, I s-swear to god, if you kiss m-me...”

“You might cum in your pants, I know, don’t worry, I’ll be gentle,” Richie smirked, leaning forward and ignoring Bill’s grimace as he connected their lips. Eddie felt like he was close to bursting into tears, so he squeezed his hand so tightly that his nails were digging little crescent moons into his palm. 

The worst part was when Bill kissed back. Stan didn’t look that happy either. It lasted about five seconds, which felt like an hour, and Eddie couldn’t help but let out a hurt sigh, “Guys.” 

“Told ya,” Richie grinned cockily, his lips a brighter shade of red than normal. Bill was bright red, and stared down at his lap.

“So, Bill, truth or dare?” Richie asked smugly.

 

—

 

The second loser that was kissed by Trashmouth was Stan. This was a bit more complicated, as the four laid on Bill’s floor, exhausted. They just finished the second movie of the night and it had gotten late. Richie and Eddie had been leaning on each other the entire time, making Eddie’s heart race and he had to refrain from sticking his fingers into Richie’s short curls. 

They were still thirteen and had yet to encounter It. They were still youthful and unharmed, and Richie was more Richie than ever. “Stan the man, come with me for more popcorn?” 

“Can you not get it yourself?” 

“Well, why would I ever want to do that?” Richie grinned, gently moving Eddie and jumping to a stand. Eddie felt disappointment swell inside at the loss of warmth.

“Whatever,” Stan rolled his eyes and got up from the couch next to Bill. Bill had fallen asleep about fifteen minutes ago. Eddie sighed and laid back on the couch.

Richie grabbed a bag from the pantry and placed it into the microwave. Stan crossed his arms and leaned against the counter. His eyebrows were furrowed and he looked like he was thinking about something very serious. 

“Stanley, why so glum?” Richie questioned, a genuine look of concern crossing his face. 

“What was... what was kissing another boy like?” Stan asked quietly, looking ashamed and embarrassed at his question. 

“Oh, uh, just like kissing your mom,” Richie blurted, and then cursed, “Sorry. It’s just like kissing a girl, is what I meant. I’ve only ever kissed Bill and a girl in Kindergarton, though.”

“Oh,” Stan said quietly, “Cool.”

“Wanna try it out?” Richie’s cocky attitude returned quickly, his clumsy body falling into the counter next to Stan. 

“What?” Stan shouted. He then blushed, “I mean, are you serious?”

“Sure,” Richie shrugged, “Ill just add you to my list,” he winked. 

“Shut up, Richie,” Stan sighed. 

“Okay, I’m going to kiss you now, okay?” Richie asked slightly nervous. Stan nodded silently, his face a dark red. Richie grabbed Stan’s neck and slowly pressed his lips against Stan’s. This kiss was different now that no one was around, and Stan sighed into Richie slightly and kissed back slowly. Their teeth clanked and it was a bit messy, but Richie loved kissing and Stan wanted his first kiss, so it didn’t matter. 

“Hey are you guys okay? I hea— oh,” Eddie stopped in his tracks at the sight of Richie backing Stan into the counter as they shared a soft kiss. Eddie felt like he was going to throw up. “Oh.. oh, sorry, I’ll just go,”

Long story short, Eddie went home as fast as possible and maybe cried in his bed until he fell asleep, and he wasn’t even sure completely why. 

—

 

After the events of It, each of the losers were slowly healing. They all joined at Mike’s since he had the most space, and played board games. After awhile, Clue got boring and they decided it was time for something else. Richie was almost sixteen, in about two months. 

“Spin the Bottle?” Beverly suggested, a smug smile upon her pink lips. 

Ben and Bill blushed. 

“Oh hell yes!” Richie exclaimed, grabbing his glass bottle of Coke and chugging the rest until it was empty, “This is my favorite game.” 

“Of course it is,” Mike rolled his eyes. 

Eddie felt a mixture of hope and sadness all in one. He didn’t want to kiss anyone but Richie, and even that was a lot for him because his brain always rushed to the thoughts of germs. He knew it was all a lie that his mother put into his head, but he was a hypochondriac and nothing would change that. He also really didn’t want to witness Richie kissing another loser. After the kiss between Richie and Stan, the two never mentioned it again, but Eddie always thought about it and sent himself into a spiral of depression. Even when Richie would come over and hold him and make him feel safe after a nightmare, he’d feel the nagging thought of not being good enough for Richie. 

“I’ll go first,” Bev offered. 

The bottle was spun by her delicate fingers and it slowed down to a stop. Eddie followed the bottle to see that it had landed on Mike. “Cool,” Mike shrugged, and they leaned forward and kissed for a split second and sat back down. No one made a big deal.

“My turn,” Mike spun and it landed between Ben and Stan. Stan shrugged and leaned forward to leave a chaste kiss on Ben’s lips. 

“Ohhhh shit!” Richie exclaimed, “Way to go, Stanley!” 

“Shut up, Richie,” Stan grumbled. Only Eddie, Richie and Stan knew what they were talking about. Eddie felt sick.

The next time the bottle landed directly on Richie. Eddie gulped as he noticed that it didn’t land on him. He followed the bottle to see that it had in fact landed on Beverly. Eddie tried not to think about the fact that Richie and Beverly were like best friends, always smoking together and skipping class. He tried to pretend that didn’t make him jealous, either, but then again he was jealous of everyone that got to kiss and touch Richie, because he never could. It wasn’t fair. Eddie watched as Richie said something cocky and leaned forward and kissed Bev, who laughed loudly as they pulled away.

“I can’t believe I just kissed Trashmouth,” she groaned, wiping her bottom lip with her sleeve. Eddie wondered how she could say that so carelessly, as if it meant nothing to her to be able to kiss the one he loved. Loved. He had realized the reason he had been jealous the entire time was because he was in love with the trashmouth himself. Him and all of his germs, disgusting jokes and cocky attitude. 

“You should be honored,” Richie smirked, “I think most of you have enjoyed it.” 

“Oh yeah?” Mike said challengingly, “I haven’t kissed you.” 

“You want me to steal your first kiss too, sweetie?” Richie said in an old lady voice that would make Eddie cringe on any other circumstance. 

“Wouldn’t be my first kiss, smartass,” Mike said smugly, “You wish.” 

“We’ll see,” Richie lunges forward, “You gonna kiss me or what?”

Mike suddenly lost his attitude and paused for a second before leaning forward and kissing Richie square on the lips. They kissed for longer than Bev had kissed him. Eddie’s heart was pounding and he tried to ignore the tears attempting to spring from his eyes. 

“Hm, not bad, loser,” Richie shrugged, sitting down in the middle of the circle instead of moving back to his spot. “Ben, you next?” 

“Yeah, as if,” Ben blushed brightly. 

“C’mon, Benny boy,” Richie made a ‘come here’ motion with his index finger. Ben sighed begrudgingly and scooted to Richie and kissed him for a second and quickly scooted back. 

“Now I’ve kissed every loser,” Richie smirked. “There’s enough of this for everyone, don’t get too jealous everyone. How many first kisses did I steal?” 

“You’ve only s-stolen t-two, dumbass,” Bill rolled his eyes, “Mine and Stan’s.” 

“Well, technically, you haven’t kissed everyone,” Bev smirked knowingly at Richie, who suddenly went very quiet.

Eddie felt the eyes all on him. He suddenly was having an asthma attack. He knew it as soon as the words left Richie’s mouth a moment ago. Richie was avoiding kissing him. There must be a thousand reasons as why Richie wouldn’t want to kiss Eddie. Eddie scrambled to his feet, breathing heavily and tears spilling over his eyes. He had never felt so disgusting in his life. “I’m leaving,” he managed, snatching his bag from the ground and running out of Mike’s room. He was met with freezing cold air as light snow flakes began to fall to the ground. He didn’t know it was supposed to snow, but he didn’t care. 

He took a puff of his inhaler, even though he knew it wasn’t an asthma attack he was having. He was having an anxiety attack. He could hardly breathe as he climbed onto his bike and began riding away from Mike’s. He could hear the other loser’s shouting his name as he became nothing but a speck in the distance.

It took him fifteen minutes until he made it home. He didn’t have the energy to face his mother, especially not this late at night, so he climbed to his window, almost falling twice before shoving up his window like he had seen Richie do hundreds of times.

Richie. His best friend. His best friend that he was in love with. The boy that randomly grabbed his hand and followed him around and teased him constantly. Eddie had a sudden realization — every time Richie had kissed one of the other losers he had ignored Eddie for the rest of the night. Every single time. 

He ignored Eddie.

That must be how much he wanted to avoid kissing Eddie.

Eddie ran into his bathroom and locked the door out of habit. The bright lights shown over his features. His face was bright red from not only the cold but the tears that had hardened on his face from the wind. His hair was a mess from the wind, his clothes clinging to his body. Eddie examined himself.

His eyes were dull. He had bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep he got in the past year of his life, from the clown and Richie, too. Ironically, though, he could only sleep when Richie laid next to him. 

He was skinny, but he was so short. Richie had grown a lot over the past few months, so that he was almost a head taller than Eddie. His voice had gotten a little deeper. He let his dark curls grow out so that they were in ringlets that were always messy and so beautiful. His eyes were brown like Eddie’s, but somehow they always had that bright, teasing look to them that lit them up like a Christmas tree. Richie was loud and outgoing and never shy. He had those big glasses that were becoming more and more appealing. His freckles formed constellations on his cheeks. Richie Tozier had become increasingly beautiful as time passed, although Eddie had always found him that way. 

Eddie stared at himself some more. His hair had grown a little, but his curls were nothing compared to Richie’s. His lips were pale pink, unlike Richie’s beautiful plump and red ones. His freckles were stark against his pale skin. Eddie was always complaining about fucking germs for Christ’s sake. 

Eddie couldn’t help but collapse to the cold tiles in tears. He wrapped his arms around his legs and cried and cried and cried.

It felt like an hour of lying there on the cold floor, tears leaking from his dull eyes. Eddie was coming up with even more reasons why Richie wouldn’t want to kiss him. It was absolute hell. Eddie thinks he’d rather fight the clown again then deal with heartbreak. 

“Eds?” He hears Richie’s voice outside the bathroom door, a soft knock coming into contact with the wooden door. Eddie froze, hoping he had imagined it, but no, “Eddie?” 

“What do you want?” Eddie sniffled, trying to compose himself and then giving up completely. 

“Unlock the door please?” Richie requested. 

Eddie considered his options before deciding it didn’t matter anyways, and opened the door. 

“Oh my god,” Richie mumbled, taking in Eddie’s appearance. He looked like he had been through hell and back, but was still just as beautiful as always to Richie, “Eds... what happened?”

Eddie gave up. “What’s wrong with me?” 

“What?” Richie questioned, his eyebrows furrowing, “Nothing. What are you talking about, Eddie?” 

“What’s so bad about me that you have never wanted to kiss me? Is it my face? My eyes? My hair? My lips? Is it because I’m always freaking out? Is it because I’m ugly?” 

Richie was deadly silent. 

He finally spoke, “Eddie Kaspbrak, if you ever say any of that shit to me again—“ 

Eddie gasped when Richie covered his face with his hands. 

“God damnit, Eddie,” Richie squeezed his hands in front of his face as hot tears fell from his eyes, “Why the hell would you think that?”

“I—“

“Don’t. I’m not done,” Richie shoved his own hands from his face and shut the bathroom door behind him. Richie’s wet hand grabbed Eddie’s shirt and he stared at Eddie through his foggy glasses, “Eds, you are the most beautiful fucking person I’ve ever seen in my life. If you ever call yourself ugly again it’s going to break me. If there’s one thing I’d ever not joke about, it’s how much I want to fucking kiss you. So I didn’t. I didn’t kiss you because I couldn’t stand the fact that you’d complain about me being gross, or pulling away, or running off, or just being another person Ive kissed that I’d never get to kiss again. You’re... you’re Eddie. You.. it’s not.. I love you, god, okay?! Fuck.” 

Eddie stared with wide, bloodshot eyes, his heart racing for the second time that day because of Richie Tozier. Richie’s curls fell in front of his face as he glanced down to his hand and slowly let go of Eddie’s t-shirt. Eddie slowly raised his small hand and brushed some of the curls from Richie’s face, “Rich?” 

“Yeah?” Richie sighed.

“Look at me, please,” Eddie said quietly. 

Richie’s brown, big eyes stared into Eddie’s and Eddie froze for a moment before composing himself. He tilted Richie’s chin up and gently pressed his lips to Richie’s.

It was unlike anything Eddie could’ve imagined. Richie’s lips were swollen and red, and slightly wet and the kiss was a mess because they had both been crying. Richie hesitated before grabbing Eddie’s hips and pushing him into the edge of the sink. Eddie gasped into his lips and his hands grasped the fabric of Richie’s hoodie. 

Eddie gently ran his hand through Richie’s curls, tugging at them lightly. 

He was shocked when Richie let out a breathy moan into Eddie’s mouth. 

“God, Eddie, don’t do that or I won’t be able to stop,” Richie mumbled, kissing the corner of his lips.

“I don’t want you to stop. Ever.”

**Author's Note:**

> umm yea


End file.
